Civics Lesson One: Your Right to a Phone Call

In the spirit of ranting, I decided to start a semi-regular theme here on the Fuzz Buzz.  I will give brief civics lessons, from the police officer's point of view.

Lesson number one:  You do NOT have the right to a phone call.  I don't know where this started - probably with TV cop shows.  After you are arrested, you do have certain rights.  You do have the right to remain silent. (also often misunderstood, we'll cover it in another post)  You do have the right to face your accusers (in court).  You do have the right to be represented by an attorney.  You DO NOT have an automatic right to "one phone call" immediately after you're arrested.  That said, 90% of the drunks that get arrested for public drunkenness, and related nuisance offenses, demand to be allowed to make their one phone call.  Almost without exception, they exclaim that they know their rights and will "have [my] badge" if I don't let them make a phone call.   They proclaim that a phone call is a constitutional right.  And the thing about drunk people is that they cannot be reasoned with.  When I try to explain that they are not entitled to a phone call, that it's 4 in the morning, and even the pope could not get them out of jail until they are sober, they don't listen.  They don't believe me when I tell them that the word telephone isn't even in the constitution or any of its amendments. They just get louder, more obnoxious, and claim to know more and more intimate details about my wife and family. Side note - while a criminal or a drunk insulting my family doesn't bother me, it certainly doesn't earn them any favors.  If you ever get locked up, or for that matter have any run in with the law, courtesy goes a long way.